Disappointment

Throughout the course of life there are things that will occur that are not consistent with the expectations that we have ascribed to a certain situation. Ultimately this leads to feelings of disappointment. This is an interesting word. Appointment, as we all know, means a certain time that is set forth to complete a certain task, meeting, activity or the like…and generally they involve other people. A disappointment, therefore, is the in-completion of that task, activity, meeting or the like by that appointed time.

Dis-appointment is often accompanied by regret. Regret is the re-playing of a certain dis-appointment in our lives that allows us to re-experience the pain of the dis-appointment over and over again. While this experience is certainly not one that feels good, humans will call upon it on a daily basis…as a way of confirming to themselves that had they made a different decision at a certain point in time, and then perhaps they would now be in a place where they would be happy.

The truth is that what is keeping them unhappy is the inability to make a decision in the present moment. Relationships generally do not start out badly and that is why most people enter them. Even when there is something bad there is a pleasure that is so good that it overshadows the discomfort of the bad feelings.

So then what is it that makes it so hard to make a decision that would allow a person to pursue their “happy place”? For many it is a lack of knowledge as to what their “happy place” actually is. For others it is the fear of the unknown and for still others it is the guilt of choosing their own happiness over the happiness of another. For others still, it is the need to try to maintain a concept of a certain type of reality as they would like to see it. And when others do not conform to their concept of reality then they are disappointed and re-gret the time that they have in-vested and wish that they could find a way to dis-engage themselves from that situation…usually with a desire to not hurt another.

So then, how can one avoid the trap of disappointment? The very easiest way to do this is not to establish appointed behaviors that we expect others or ourselves to ascribe to. Appointments are events that are scheduled to take place in the future. We appoint a date that we will loose the 35 pounds that are desired, or that we will find that perfect person…or that we will give up believing that a certain person will “come around”. I am not saying that it is not good to set goals. Goals are the translation of mental concepts into a timetable of creation. An appointment is something set in stone. It is an expectation that a certain thing will occur at a certain time and that to not have that occur will result in a dis-appointment. I know that for many of you reading this it seems almost semantic in nature. But look at it this way. If you have a goal to write a book by a certain period of time and you utilize that goal to call forth the powers of the universe to help you to summon all of your powers of creation then you have empowered your dream with a goal. But when you set an appointment with a publisher to produce this creative document by a certain date…then you have set an appointment….which can lead to dis-appointment as well as a dead-line. Essentially a word that was derived from the concept of the “last ditch attempt” that one would take in a life and death situation. Picture the movie saying…”once you cross that line there is no turning back”!

Now I am aware that the very nature of modern life among humans is driven by appointments and deadlines…but how many are actually driven by self-fulfilling goals.
Just some fodder for thought. Setting an appointment, without a goal is akin to steering a plane from New York to Los Angeles without the slightest concept of the coordinates and the steps that need to be taken to even get the plane to lift. We seek good relationships in which we will be infinitely happy and yet have no clue of what makes us happy…or then if we do we give that up for the happiness of the other and then live in re-sentment…the act of revisiting a happier past and re-gret…that needs no explanation.

Please dear ones…set goals for tomorrow….plan for tomorrow but do not appoint a result of certainty that if not achieved would be disappointing. If on that flight between NY and LA you developed navigation problems that could lead you to crash…and you safely landed that plane in a totally other location saving your life and the happy lives of those around you…would you consider it a “disappointment”? In the
Miracle on the Hudson plane landing do you think that even one passenger was first upset about not getting to their destination…their appointed place of arrival? They instead were happy that they were alive.

Be happy that you are alive. Live each moment to its fullest and live your lives with goals…moveable plans for the future rather then perceived appointed outcomes that will only lead to disappointment.

Go in peace
Margaret